Taking A Step Back

Taking a step back seems to be a common theme in my life recently...

In July I made the move from a company that valued my skills, offered praise all around, and gave me two raises and a promotion in just six months, to a company where I'm 1-in-a-1000 and seen merely as a replacement for the for the ineffective person who occupied the office before me. I knew that this was a step back in title and some responsibility, but the money was better and the long term opportunities are better. But I had no idea that the step back would be so painful! The girl who I replaced was basically an administrative assistant for the department. My role is supposed to be very different, except the fact that everyone treats me like I'm about as useful as she was. At the last company, I was a good two levels above where I am now...doing more than the people in those roles at the new company are doing! Besides being asked to be the stand-in receptionist, the interview scheduler, and the all-around department bitch, things are going great! Oh yeah, except the fact that there is one person who I must interact with frequently is the epitome of unprofessional when they feel in any way attacked. To the point of having screaming fits and snapping at any one who challenges them. From someone who holds a management position and wants to take on a highly interactive role with many employees, this is the exact opposite of how they should act! I even had to tell them at one point that they need to interact with me in a different manner since I didn't appreciate being made to feel stupid. It has been loads of fun...really.

In addition to work, school has also been a lot to handle. My new job involved more hours than my last job, effectively cutting into the time available for school work and leaving me even more tired than usual. When you have one thing making you miserable, that's obnoxious but bearable. But when you have two things making you miserable, you have to cut something out of your life. In this case, work puts a roof over my head, pays for my car, etc, so school was the thing to get cut. Its not that I couldn't do it, I had a 4.0 in the classes to that point. But I had no time for anything else. I realize that I do have the best mom and dad ever...but that was making me feel super guilty. I didn't have time to even clean up after my own dogs because I was so focused on, and so stressed about school. The last couple classes also made me into a raging bitch. Have you ever seen the show Bridezillas? I was like the crazy brides on that show, but worse and not even getting married! It was like flipping a switch, I would instantly become a raging bitch. I felt it happen and couldn't stop it. Poor Saturday Morning had to put up with me when this would happen. Just what I needed, something else to make me feel guilty. Not only did I not have time, I was someone horrible to be around. Worst, I was hating myself for these things which made school that much less of interest.

So I made a hard decision and dropped out of the doctoral program. I still have the opportunity to return to the program later, but for now I am taking a step back from school and taking a little more control in my life. I now have the time to do the things I want to do, and more importantly, the things I need to do. Its time to get back to time with the family, playing with the pups, getting out of the house, making more new recipes, and whatever the heck else I want to do! Like go to concerts... with two fun ones lined up in the next month my weekends just keep getting better! And I am a much happier kid. Halle-ficken-lujah! Just call me the Drop-Out! :-)