What's done is done. Aside from being physically exhausting and emotionally wearing, yesterday was not as hard as I thought it would be. I was so busy getting people into the rooms and calling managers and dealing with potential check issues that I didn't have time to feel anything. The reps and the managers definitely felt everything, having to deliver the news can't be easy. But last night I was exhausted and had no trouble sleeping even though it felt like it was 100 degrees in my room. My poor dog is probably going to withdrawals sicne she has barely seen me this week.
Today is another story. Its a weird vibe around here today, especially for me. Our president made his "its over" announcement and encouraged those that remain to begin a new era for the company. But its not over and I don't know when it will be. Its very hard to operate in this environment knowing my days are numbered. Its a little easier when you are a temp with the possibility of full time, but when you're full time and told you have a temporary stay...its awkward. I feel like I should be bowing out of meetings and projects. I should be handing all of my work over to other people. I should be exiting the building for the last time...but I'm still here, waiting and wondering.
Now it is altogether possible that I am still exhausted from yesterday and just can't think straight. But I feel like I shouldn't be here anymore. My boss' reasoning is the need for assistance through the process and then hand-off of necessary information and procedures. However, the same could be said for every other person who was walked out the door yesterday. They didn't have a chance to call vendors and tell them of a new contact or clean out their files or answer last emails or even to really say good-bye. What makes me so special? I kind of feel like this extra time was a bargaining chip, but I wasn't in on the bargain. Don't get me wrong, I need all the money I can get. But is it worth it? Or is it necessary? Really, why am I here? Can't we just get it over with already? Everyone can exist just fine without me, its no big loss, so why make it out to be that way?
I just wanna go home....
