I know this is a risky topic, but its whats going on and effecting my life.
A little less than 2 years ago I was part of the first wave of lay-offs that kicked-off the recession. I was placed in the unfortunate position of both know of the lay-off and being on the list of those who would be let go. Knowing that my job was going to end was hard enough. Knowing the other names on the list and not being able to tell them was near torturous. But the cruelest act was knowing all of this, my fate included, and having to coordinate the whole day-of process. It took me a good month to really recover from that traumatic experience. Don't judge, I may not have been dodging bombs or watching people die, I just had to deal with the slow motion disintegration of stability in my life. Its harder than it sounds.
The recession rolled on and I found not one, but two jobs since then. I got lucky, no doubt about that. I've been settled for over a year in a seemingly stable company. We posted tremendous growth during one of the worst years in U.S. economic history, but are still finding ourselves at the mercy of a sluggish economy. We've got a record backlog while facing significant government budget cuts and carrying the load of struggling sister companies. At the directive of our foreign parent company, we were forced to oust a small percentage of our workforce.
The process this time was tightly held, strict legal binding keeping those who knew from sharing any details. The cards were laid out to those who would manage the process at the last possible minute. When your boss asks for help in the form of a significant chunk of termination packets and says "you can put two and two together and figure out what we're dealing with here," you can't help but wonder exactly what "we're dealing with here." He knew I'd been laid off before, so I didn't know if he was hinting at the lay-off or hinting at me being laid off. I'd be liking if I said I didn't think it would be me. I was fairly certain my spot as low man on the totem pole secured my spot on the cut list, especially since that's what happened last time. This time, however, my name wasn't on the list. The name in place of mine was so unexpected that my heart broke and my jaw literally dropped at the announcement. I knew before she said it because the other two managers asked him to go with them. I looked at Harley with my eyes registering his fate, Harley just nodded, confirming my understanding. The rest of the group didn't seem to understand what had just happened. When Non-Boss #2 (NB2) finally got around to announcing it, I was already reeling. The loss of this person was nearly as devastating as being on the list myself, and I should know! I can't even begin to express my grief. This was the person who when I'd realized worked for the company, I jumped at the chance to work with him. He's ridiculously up-beat and positive, the heart of the department and always the one to break the ice and tension. It was like being slapped. I felt slapped again when NB2 disagreed with my statement that he was the cheerleader of the department. She had no clue who he really was and what he meant to the team and the organization. I couldn't help but feel pure disgust for her in that moment.
This whole fiasco was a new experience for me. A lay-off is devastating from any perspective, even those who are largely unaffected. For me, once the shock wore off, this time was piece of cake compared to last time. Sure it was hard, I could barely look those ousted employees in the eye. I've been there, been worse even. I am thankful to have my job, but the future is still uncertain. My work could easily triple given the hit my department took. Yes, that is called job security, I know. Part of me, however, hoped I was on the list. I am ready to move on, ready for a new career, and new set of management "tools," and a new place to call home for 40+ hours a week. For now I'm stuck with a lot of work and a lot of survivor's guilt. Huh, never felt that before...
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